One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
