i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
