i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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