Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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