3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
