Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
