Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
They are going to name an STD after you.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
