There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
