you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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