mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
