I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
