shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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