It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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