Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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