What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
