Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
