You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
