What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
