i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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