My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
