A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Pappa wants mamma naked
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
