remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
