I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
