He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
