not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
