i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
