I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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