dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
