Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
