He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
