Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
