Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Randomize
