Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
