I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
