So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
