rhymes with "ouble enetration"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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