Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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