Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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