You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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