i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
These tits shall not be calmed
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
