I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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