I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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