Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
