I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
