Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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