i need an iv and a liver transplant
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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