you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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