I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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