saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
