Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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