this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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