My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
