totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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