Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
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