This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
