i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
