Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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