Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
