Your face is a jimmy john
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
