hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
