I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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